Day Seventeen

We are beginning to settle into a bit of a routine around the old casa. Each day starts a little earlier to be sure we are able to get Dad his medications & breathing treatments. And the days end a little later to be sure we can keep up with laundry and all the other normal day to day stuff. He is still able to get around with the help of a walker so that helps and makes things a little easier. I know that shortly that wont be the case but when that happens we will just have to adjust. I have found that we are becomming very good at that.

I do wish he could/would quit smoking though. For so many reasons...some obvious & some not so obvious. But my biggest concern is that when he goes out the backdoor for a cigarette he will lose his balance, or slip on the ice and fall. And with the cancer, his body cannot take any kind of traumatic event. That is just a fact. In the grand scheme of things, the end result will be the same. Nothing will change that. But I would like for his last months/weeks to be as comfortable as possible, and throwing a broken hip into the mix sounds like a really shitty idea. It is one of the small things that continue to give him some comfort though so I do understand why he doesn't want to quit. I guess it is just one of the things we will adjust to for now, and later it will be a non-issue.

He has started to have some pain...nothing severe or debilitating yet. But the Doctor has started him on a pain patch to manage it. It seems to be working very well and I am thankful for that. The one thing I cannot imagine is for him to have pain that isn't manageable. That I think would be heartbreaking. Overall, he is doing well though. I am thankful for that.

Hospice has been so wonderful. If you have never dealt with Hospice, lucky you!! But if you have, you know what I am talking about. They come into our house several times a week to be here with him when we cant. And they help with some of the basic day to day needs. His aid...Beth...what an amazing woman!! She & I have only spoken by phone but I imagine when I meet her in person she will have wings and a halo, and carry a harp. She is the perfect combination of empathy & no-nonsense. She is just the perfect person for his personality. She helps with his baths and keeps him company for an hour or so twice a week. She doesn't let him get away with anything either....calls him out when he needs it. I just cannot say enough about her, or the entire HCI staff that we have dealt with so far. If you ever find yourself in a position that will require their services, rest assured they are amazing. Each & every one of them.

I wish there was someone that could come in a clear up all of the family drama though. I have to say that if you have ever done/said something to someone you love & not apologized or tried to make ammends....DO IT NOW. Because you never know when you might need them. The people closest to you should be treasured & appreciated. Dont ever forget that. Someday it will be too late. And that is sad. Sadder than I can even explain. But trust me when I tell you....do not leave anything undone if it can be avoided.

Well, enough for now.

Day Eleven

Eleven days ago today we brought my Father-in-law home to live with us for whatever time he has left. Five days prior to that he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of the lung. It has spread to his liver and the adrenal gland and most likely it has begun to spread into the brain, but he chose not to have the MRI that would show that for sure. And I guess in the grand scheme of things, knowing for sure doesn't really change anything because if it isn't there, it will be. He has chosen not to take any treatment & I don't blame him for that at all. Anything they would do would only prolong his time, not cure the disease. And from what I have seen, the treatments for cancer can be worse than the disease sometimes. And that is the black & white of our life right now. The rest is all shades of gray, or as my sister likes to see it...silver. And it's the shades of gray that I will write about as we go through this.